he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
