In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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