You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
