The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
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