I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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