Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
