If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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