OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
