At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
