i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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