just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
