I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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