Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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