I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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