if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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