apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
This is classic penis vs brain.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
