***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He has the fingertips of a God
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