I threw up into my coffee this morning.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
