If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
The power of my boobs compel you
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
