Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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