i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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