pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
