recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
