Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
