Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
you never un-have a 4some
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
