hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
