Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
