just tell him i said nine months
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
