she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
