there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
