Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Semen is not good for contacts.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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