OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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