i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
