And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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