It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Sorry about my life...
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
