I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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