I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
