u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
