I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
