My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
