i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
