lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
