I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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