dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
