Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
