mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
