i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
