She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
