dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Randomize
