She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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